The most precious little guy on the planet…

Seriously though this little dude has turned the last year of my life upside down. It’s been hard, exhausting, confusing but despite all that it had been the most fun and most rewarding thing to ever happen to me.

It’s been far too long since I last posted and I apologise to myself for that. I wish I documented more. But this monster is time consuming man!!!

Anyway….I very recently started the process off again to put one or two of our frozen babies back to give Hugo a brother or sister. We went to the clinic and agreed a protocol. I just had to wait for ones period to arrive. Except it never bloody did! I’m pregnant guys. My head is full of crazy emotions and guilt. I feel I’m betraying our frozen egglets! But what the heck!! How did this happen. It’s still only early days. Around 8weeks! But what the frikkkk!???? 

Hugo is going to be a big brother!!!

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We’re still here :-) 33 week update

Lots and lots has happened since I last posted. I’ve got bigger for one. And with bigger has come stretch marks. Not many but they are there….in my hips and inner thighs. I can cope with these. All for my little monster. 🙂 

I’m very very tired. I just want to sleep all of the time. Mainly the reason I haven’t blogged in ages. I can’t get around to moving my fingers quick enough to type! 
The little dude had a 4D scan and 28+4 weeks and he’s adorable! Honestly the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen. Here are a few pics for you to coo over….
   

See I told you! He was sleepy during the scan and was resting against his arm the entire time. The technician was also able to tell us he has hair!! 🙂 my OH had hair when he was born. I was a baldy.

I had to make a trip to the day assessment centre a couple of weeks ago. His movements reduced dramatically. He just wasn’t behaving in his usual way. They hooked me up to a machine for an NST only to tell me he was perfectly fine. I felt a couple of movements whilst there too. She felt his position and she confirmed that he had moved back to back and a lot of his movements were now being cushioned be my placenta. Safe to say I’m now spending a lot of time on all fours to bring him back round to a more birth friendly position. I do not want a back to back labour. I’m convinced I want to do this labour business with as little pain relief as possible. I expect to be in pain – millions of people do this every day and I want to see how much my body is capable of doing. I don’t think I’d be brave enough though with a back to back baby. 

In other news….perineal massage!! WTF???! That shit hurts man!! If I can’t cope with a little massage “down there” then how on earth am I supposed to push a blummin head out of it?? Please tell me it’s as bad for you all as I have found it to be!! I’m blaming OH for doing it wrong!! Haha he gets the blame for everything these days!

Well that’s the update for now. Hopefully you’ll here from me in a few weeks. I finish work in 3 weeks so I’m hoping I’ll get a bit more energy back. 

I’m still keeping up with all of your journies though. It’s been lovely to see some of your miracle babies being born over the last couple of months. And lots of BFPs too!! And for those of you still waiting. Keep your faith….miracles really do happen. We are here for you. 

Xxx

Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned….

……its been 5 weeks since my last blog post!!

So – after promising to blog weekly…i haven’t! 😦 for this I apologise. I have been crazily busy with my projects at work and time seriously is flying. For this I am grateful only 14 weeks to go. Woohoo! 

How Far Along?: 26 weeks! 6 months! 1 week away from the 3rd trimester!! 

Baby is the size of: Well Im not sure…apparently it could be a papaya, or a butternut squash, or a lettuce. These food sizes aren’t very standard. What I think is becoming clear is that I will have a little baby. At my 25 week midwife appointment my sfh was 24cm and against my personalised GROW chart this is way under the 5th centile. So I went back worried yesterday and got measured again…my sfh has grown 1cm in a week….and has brought me just on the 5th centile so I am happy about that. Going back again in a week just to make sure the progression is nice and strong. Rather a 6lb baby than a 10lber any day! :-p 

Total Weight Gain: Haven’t a clue – and Im not bothered about knowing either. All I know is that Im eating healthy(ish) and haven’t become obese yet….

My boobs are ginormous…I have outgrown even my hurrendous 34H bra (which I got in December where I had jumped from a nice 30FF!!)

Maternity Clothes?:Oh yes…Im forever on the lookout for flattering maternity clothes. Ive ordered quite a lot online…but also send a lot of it back. Its getting harder now the weather is getting warmer. I need to tan my legs and get some pretty dresses. But I really don’t do pale milky legs! yak! 

Also if anyone would like to invent maternity shoes I would be very grateful. I can not be bothered to go shoe shopping but have no option. I couldn’t go to work a couple of weeks ago because I couldn’t get my bloody foot into any of my shoes or boots. I can’t go to work in trainers or flip flops!! Working from home has been my life saver! I bought a pair of flat shoes last week (I’m short and do not do flat but haven’t an option right now) in 2 sizes bigger than I am…my feet are growing…they don’t look swollen yet but something funky is definitely happening!

 Stretch Marks?: Not yet – thanks body. Although varicose veins are my new thing. I feel like I have them on my upper thighs. But only when I am stood up. How do I get rid of these? Another reason for getting my legs all tanned…a tan is the best way of losing weight and hiding imperfections on the legs!! 

Sleep?: Broken – Its hard to turn and the frequent trips to the loo have started making an appearance again. Carpal tunnel is making my hands painful. My left hand is the worst and a couple of my fingers are now permanently numb. its bizarre and awkward.

Best Moment This Week?: Best moment of the last 5 weeks has been seeing my bump grow and buying little mans bedding. Im in love with all of his baby things. 

Movement?: Yes…but he has quiet days which scare the shit out of me. Some days he can be moving non stop and other days I feel the odd poke here and there. Im going to start documenting his movements every day to try and spot a pattern. 

Food Cravings?: Just give me all of the food in the world please. Ill eat it all and still have space for more. 

Anything making you queasy?: Just the sight of my pale slightly plump legs. Also I seriously need to start working on my arms…theyre getting soft!! Ive signed up to pregnancy yoga…just waiting for someone to give birth so I can have a space!! 

Baby Bump?: Yes…Its growing! Its changed shape recently though. I think he has changed position which may be the reason I feel his movements less sometimes. 

Gender Prediction?: Oh Im going to give a good guess at a boy. 

Labor Signs?: Noooo.

Belly Button In or Out?: Still in. I had a very deep belly button…its now almost flat. It won’t be long until it has fully popped! 🙂 

Wedding Rings on or off?: They come off on an evening. And sometimes if I set off for work early I can’t get them on. So annoying….I love my ring and feel naked without it. 

Happy or Moody?: Happy! lol – Think SO would add a “most of the time” to this

Miss Anything?: Being able to shave….being able to put my shoes on….being able to walk up stairs without feeling like passing out.

Looking forward to?: Entering the 3rd trimester!! And seeing my boy for his 4d scan in a couple of weeks!! 

Well there you go…Im not going to promise to come back in a week because Im obviously rubbish at keeping promises. 

Lots of love xx

XXIX.I.MMXV – dreams come true part 1 <3

Where to start….??

I have had the craziest few days. Today writing this I am 16+3 weeks pregnant. And I found out this little ones gender yesterday!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

But I’m not going to start there. I’m going to start with Thursday 29th January.

On this day 12 years ago, as a 14 year old school girl, my boyfriend became my boyfriend!! It was an awkward affair, I basically asked him when he was going to officially ask me and he wasn’t happy that I’d spoiled the surprise of a few days time. He was going to ask me on Friday apparently and I rushed him on the Wednesday! Ha! Anyway. He became my boyfriend. And that’s the way it has been for 12 whole years. We’ve finished school together, college, 2 degrees, 1 masters, moved house 8 times, lived in 5 different counties, been through 2 rounds of IVF and now have a baby on the way.

Well Thursday was a day like every other. We swapped cards in the morning, no gifts (as it’s something we promise not to do as we get so much for each other through the year), then I went to work.

I did put half a day of leave in because SO had the whole day off and we planned to get a takeaway and watch films all evening.

I came home, and snoozed on the couch whilst cuddled into his chest. We took the dog out for a walk and then I sat down planning what I was going to order for takeaway. At which point, I was called into the bedroom. I was met by a new outfit and a note on the bed which read

Hungry? Well you’d better get ready then!

I was confused!! What about our takeaway? And why? And what on earth!!?? With a childish grin spread across my face! I asked a lot of questions. Where are we going? Do I look nice in this maternity top from Topshop you got me in a size smaller than I would have got? What’s the dress code like? What type of food are we having??

He said it was a lot posher than Nandos but not quite as posh as a restaurant we went to for out 10 year anniversary “coq’d’argent” . That left a lot of scope in between.

It was time to set off. We took the bus into central London, getting off at Waterloo Station. We walked (well I waddled) past lots of lovely bars and restaurants and then down onto the river Thames. We passed quite a few places which I thought were good contenders. We continued down the Thames until we got to the OXO Tower. Whoah…definitely wasn’t expecting this.

We took the elevator to the 8th floor and I was met by a pristine host in an ever so shiny entrance. We proceeded into the bar area and ordered mocktails (haha). Soon our table was ready!! A window seat with views of St Paul’s and all that surrounds it. It was spectacular. But this wasn’t the only thing that I couldn’t stop looking at as we approached our table….12 beautiful red velvet roses sat on the table. Apparently this wasn’t usual as the all of the waiting staff were looking over as I sat down! It was so beautiful!! The meal the company and the conversation. Reminiscing about our childhoods together. Just perfect. A lady was playing the piano that night and she sang Yellow by Coldplay and this will always remind me of this perfect night.

After the meal we walked towards the Tate further along the Thames and SO started talking about our trip to Paris and how we didn’t get to put a padlock on the love lock bridge. So we were going to do it on the Millennium bridge instead.

The lock had the writing on both sides …

When it all began….XXIX.I.MMIII

XXIX.I.MMXV….A new adventure begins

We made a wish after locking it, sneakily to the bridge and threw 2 of the keys into the river. It was just magical. I had cried with happiness at least 5 times at this point in the evening. My man had gone to all of this trouble for our last anniversary as a couple.

We carried on walking across the bridge and it started to snow. We stopped and took in the view of breathtaking London at night time. My SO made a comment about not being able to see the stars in the sky….but that it was ok because he had brought my very own star along.

It is at this point, he got down on one knee, with the magnificent St Paul’s Cathedral as a backdrop. And asked me to Marry him.

Will you Marry me?

I’m not entirely sure what happened from here on in because I was drunk on happiness and shock and just WOW!

Ermm of course I will!!

I giggled childishly with my eyes wide, wondering what I had done to deserve such a wonderful man. I can’t think of a better way of spending the rest of my life than with him by my side.

The ring is stunning. It really does shine as bright as a star. I couldn’t have chose a more perfect ring.

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So now, I no longer have a boyfriend. I have myself the most kind, caring, and gorgeously handsome fiancé in all of the world. ❤

Xxx

Miracles do happen…..

Today was hands down THE BEST day of my entire life.

Today we got to meet little m&m for the first time.

All day I have been feeling sick to the stomach with nerves. How could things possibly turn out ok? My luck with fertility is pretty poor. I’ve never seen my baby on an ultrasound so that’s what was going to happen today. I think I was just preparing myself for the worst.

We got to the clinic early and sat quietly in a surprisingly empty clinic. I wonder if they are preparing to be closed over Christmas?

I could hear my heart beating. I’m pretty sure everyone else could too. Finally my name was called and we entered the ever so familiar room. The nurse asked me how I was feeling….”pretty fucking crap and shit scared” is what I wanted to say. Instead she got an “ok, but nervous, very very nervous” I was then instructed to go behind the curtain and strip from the waist down as per usual protocol.

I laid there, feet in stirrups looking at the wide eyes of my other half as he tells me everything is going to be ok. I squeeze his hand so tight as the nurse warns me “the jelly might be cold”.

I can’t look.

I begin to cry.

“There you go, here’s your little baby measuring just as it should 7 weeks and 6 days, here’s the umbilical cord aaaand here, well here is its heart beating”

I sob and bawl. I’m hysterical. Oh thank you thank you thank you for answering my prayers and keeping my little miracle safe. It was truly beautiful. I have moments of crying even now.

I am so in love.

Today is a very good day. The best day. And I pray that each and every one of you get to experience this magic for yourselves one day. It will happen, never ever give up.

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Lots of love and babydust

Xx