Image

We’re still here :-) 33 week update

Lots and lots has happened since I last posted. I’ve got bigger for one. And with bigger has come stretch marks. Not many but they are there….in my hips and inner thighs. I can cope with these. All for my little monster. 🙂 

I’m very very tired. I just want to sleep all of the time. Mainly the reason I haven’t blogged in ages. I can’t get around to moving my fingers quick enough to type! 
The little dude had a 4D scan and 28+4 weeks and he’s adorable! Honestly the cutest little thing I’ve ever seen. Here are a few pics for you to coo over….
   

See I told you! He was sleepy during the scan and was resting against his arm the entire time. The technician was also able to tell us he has hair!! 🙂 my OH had hair when he was born. I was a baldy.

I had to make a trip to the day assessment centre a couple of weeks ago. His movements reduced dramatically. He just wasn’t behaving in his usual way. They hooked me up to a machine for an NST only to tell me he was perfectly fine. I felt a couple of movements whilst there too. She felt his position and she confirmed that he had moved back to back and a lot of his movements were now being cushioned be my placenta. Safe to say I’m now spending a lot of time on all fours to bring him back round to a more birth friendly position. I do not want a back to back labour. I’m convinced I want to do this labour business with as little pain relief as possible. I expect to be in pain – millions of people do this every day and I want to see how much my body is capable of doing. I don’t think I’d be brave enough though with a back to back baby. 

In other news….perineal massage!! WTF???! That shit hurts man!! If I can’t cope with a little massage “down there” then how on earth am I supposed to push a blummin head out of it?? Please tell me it’s as bad for you all as I have found it to be!! I’m blaming OH for doing it wrong!! Haha he gets the blame for everything these days!

Well that’s the update for now. Hopefully you’ll here from me in a few weeks. I finish work in 3 weeks so I’m hoping I’ll get a bit more energy back. 

I’m still keeping up with all of your journies though. It’s been lovely to see some of your miracle babies being born over the last couple of months. And lots of BFPs too!! And for those of you still waiting. Keep your faith….miracles really do happen. We are here for you. 

Xxx

Advertisements

Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned….

……its been 5 weeks since my last blog post!!

So – after promising to blog weekly…i haven’t! 😦 for this I apologise. I have been crazily busy with my projects at work and time seriously is flying. For this I am grateful only 14 weeks to go. Woohoo! 

How Far Along?: 26 weeks! 6 months! 1 week away from the 3rd trimester!! 

Baby is the size of: Well Im not sure…apparently it could be a papaya, or a butternut squash, or a lettuce. These food sizes aren’t very standard. What I think is becoming clear is that I will have a little baby. At my 25 week midwife appointment my sfh was 24cm and against my personalised GROW chart this is way under the 5th centile. So I went back worried yesterday and got measured again…my sfh has grown 1cm in a week….and has brought me just on the 5th centile so I am happy about that. Going back again in a week just to make sure the progression is nice and strong. Rather a 6lb baby than a 10lber any day! :-p 

Total Weight Gain: Haven’t a clue – and Im not bothered about knowing either. All I know is that Im eating healthy(ish) and haven’t become obese yet….

My boobs are ginormous…I have outgrown even my hurrendous 34H bra (which I got in December where I had jumped from a nice 30FF!!)

Maternity Clothes?:Oh yes…Im forever on the lookout for flattering maternity clothes. Ive ordered quite a lot online…but also send a lot of it back. Its getting harder now the weather is getting warmer. I need to tan my legs and get some pretty dresses. But I really don’t do pale milky legs! yak! 

Also if anyone would like to invent maternity shoes I would be very grateful. I can not be bothered to go shoe shopping but have no option. I couldn’t go to work a couple of weeks ago because I couldn’t get my bloody foot into any of my shoes or boots. I can’t go to work in trainers or flip flops!! Working from home has been my life saver! I bought a pair of flat shoes last week (I’m short and do not do flat but haven’t an option right now) in 2 sizes bigger than I am…my feet are growing…they don’t look swollen yet but something funky is definitely happening!

 Stretch Marks?: Not yet – thanks body. Although varicose veins are my new thing. I feel like I have them on my upper thighs. But only when I am stood up. How do I get rid of these? Another reason for getting my legs all tanned…a tan is the best way of losing weight and hiding imperfections on the legs!! 

Sleep?: Broken – Its hard to turn and the frequent trips to the loo have started making an appearance again. Carpal tunnel is making my hands painful. My left hand is the worst and a couple of my fingers are now permanently numb. its bizarre and awkward.

Best Moment This Week?: Best moment of the last 5 weeks has been seeing my bump grow and buying little mans bedding. Im in love with all of his baby things. 

Movement?: Yes…but he has quiet days which scare the shit out of me. Some days he can be moving non stop and other days I feel the odd poke here and there. Im going to start documenting his movements every day to try and spot a pattern. 

Food Cravings?: Just give me all of the food in the world please. Ill eat it all and still have space for more. 

Anything making you queasy?: Just the sight of my pale slightly plump legs. Also I seriously need to start working on my arms…theyre getting soft!! Ive signed up to pregnancy yoga…just waiting for someone to give birth so I can have a space!! 

Baby Bump?: Yes…Its growing! Its changed shape recently though. I think he has changed position which may be the reason I feel his movements less sometimes. 

Gender Prediction?: Oh Im going to give a good guess at a boy. 

Labor Signs?: Noooo.

Belly Button In or Out?: Still in. I had a very deep belly button…its now almost flat. It won’t be long until it has fully popped! 🙂 

Wedding Rings on or off?: They come off on an evening. And sometimes if I set off for work early I can’t get them on. So annoying….I love my ring and feel naked without it. 

Happy or Moody?: Happy! lol – Think SO would add a “most of the time” to this

Miss Anything?: Being able to shave….being able to put my shoes on….being able to walk up stairs without feeling like passing out.

Looking forward to?: Entering the 3rd trimester!! And seeing my boy for his 4d scan in a couple of weeks!! 

Well there you go…Im not going to promise to come back in a week because Im obviously rubbish at keeping promises. 

Lots of love xx

21 Weeks!! And the anatomy scan!

Hi Everyone!

Sorry I have been a bit absent on here recently….no other excuse except for laziness! :-/

I have steam rollered into the 21st week of pregnancy. It has been pretty uneventful thankfully. I had one episode where I was getting constant headaches along with quite a bit of pain in the area of my liver so I took myself to the pregnancy unit. It turned out to be nothing but I am glad I went to get that peace of mind.

Yesterday I had my 20 week anatomy scan. I was so nervous for it. For some reason I had convinced myself that the little man had a cleft lip…those early 4D scans are scary!! Now please don’t get me wrong….there are a lot worse things that could happen and I was fearful for those too…but I want my boy to be perfect in every way and this was a real fear of mine.

We were called in to the scan room at 10:20 yesterday and I jumped straight onto the bed and got ready to see my boy again. He was (is) just wonderfully perfect in every way. He has all the correct bits in all the correct places. My heart melted. The monographer was lovely….she did go far too silent as she was checking his heart for 20 mins. The heart I could see on the screen did not look like an anatomical heart you’d expect to see in a text book. The silence was frightening. It wasn’t until she got me to lay on my side that I saw the 4 chambers I had been waiting to see! ❤ His beautiful gorgeous little heart.

He was moving so much…my SO couldn’t believe how much he moves…Ive been telling him all about the kicks and using my bladder as a trampoline but I think he thinks Ive been exaggerating a little bit. I have not. He likes to move. Im still to see his movements – I can’t wait for this to happen. I often sit and stare and my now rather large tummy in anticipation of this event. Talking about the bump…it really is huge….my belly button is about to pop. I love every part of my pregnant self.

The only significant thing to come out of the scan was that I have a low lying placenta. It 2 cm away from my cervix. It means I have to go for another scan at 32 weeks. Hopefully its moved up so I can avoid having to have a cesarean.

I want to start doing the “bump date” type blogs so intend to do that here and TRY every week up until the B-Day 🙂

How Far Along?: 21 Weeks!!

Baby is the size of: Cantaloupe (or any other fruit in fact…each pregnancy app says something different!! Im just glad he is growing)

Total Weight Gain: Haven’t a clue – and Im not bothered about knowing either. All I know is that Im eating healthy(ish) and haven’t become obese yet….I think Im probably classed as overweight but I blame the size of my boobs.

Maternity Clothes?: Its all I feel comfortable in now…and they make my bump look super cute! 🙂

Stretch Marks?: Not yet – thanks body.

Sleep?: Broken – Its hard to turn and the frequent trips to the loo have started making an appearance again.

Best Moment This Week?: Seeing and hearing how perfect my little one is growing.

Movement?: Its becoming more and more. I seemed to feel him a lot around 16/17 weeks…and then it decreased for a couple of weeks. Now the movements are a lot more frequent and a lot more stronger. 🙂 I have an anterior placenta so that could be the reason for the lull at 18/19 weeks.

Food Cravings?: Just food in general….all types of food. Small food…large food….healthy food….fatty food….bright food…dull food….carbs….fruit…..sweets and meat. Just give me all food.

Anything making you queasy?: Not anymore 😉

Baby Bump?: I might be biased but I have the cutest little bump. People can tell Im pregnant and not just large.

Gender Prediction?: Oh Im going to give a good guess at a boy.

Labor Signs?: Noooo

Belly Button In or Out?: Still in. I had a very deep belly button…its now almost flat. It won’t be long until it has fully popped. Cant.wait!!

Wedding Rings on or off?: On – but last night my fingers swelled quite a lot…I might start taking them off in the evening.

Happy or Moody?: Happy! lol – Think SO would add a “most of the time” to this.

Miss Anything?: Nope

Looking forward to?: Reaching 24 weeks! And going to Kiddicare and Baby’s ‘R’ us tomorrow!! woohoo!

Thanks for reading! 😉

xxx

The journey to PUPO!!! The catastrophes and the elation.

Apologies in advance for the long blog, I’ve been absent for a while. It’s blummin time consuming this IVF business!!! But trust me you’ll want to read this one. It’s been eventful!

The last time you heard from me was cycle day 8, and right now sitting here typing – I have a bundle of baby eggs in my oh so wonderful uterus!

After cycle day 8 i was upped to 225 Gonal f and I was next in for my cycle day 11 scan on Monday – this was the appointment from hell. I arrived at 8:30 and didn’t leave until 10:30!!! They kept forgetting I was there!!! Anyway after getting blood drawn unnecessarily and being told I wasn’t ready yet during the scan….I went to work.,.fuming!!! I was annoyed because they didn’t tell me how many follies or what size. And generally didn’t care that they were utterly incompetent!!

Back to the clinic on Wednesday for cycle day 13 scan and it was a MUCH better experience!! I went straight in….she told me how beautiful my endometrium was (which has happened at every scan now – I always say thank you even though I feel a bit awkward saying it!!). She also needed to pop out of the room quickly to see if they could get me booked in on Friday 20th for egg collection!!! Whaaaat!? That all went really quickly!! So sure enough she came back in and told me the rules for the next few days. Last Gonal f at 6:30, Ovitrelle trigger shot at 8:30 pm, nothing on cd 14, no food or drink from midnight on Thursday, then 1 hour before my 8:30am egg collection appointment on Friday I must stick the pain killer up my bum. There’s lots to do…nothing’s phasing me right now, not even the painkiller part!! Bring.It.On!!!

I do as I’m told and head to the clinic on Friday morning. I’m not even nervous like I thought id be!! I’m surprisingly calm. Excited even!

We are welcomed into the previously secret part of the clinic. We put our blue shoe covers on and valiantly stride towards our bed bay. We have the most stunning view over London. DH and I are pointing out landmarks; the London eye, St. Paul’s…..until we are interrupted by our nurse. I then gown up, I look dashing at this point with no bra and no make up but I still agree to a pic as a memento!

After filling out some more forms, DH is led away to another hidden part of the clinic to do

The deed

. I felt like running after him and giving him one final kiss because I didn’t know if I would see him again until I came round. They just took him from me, just like that. I mouthed “I love you” as he turned around with a nervous grin on his face and that was that. I sat there. Waiting.

It only felt like five minutes had passed and he was back in my little room. I looked at him shocked asking “is that it, are you done?” Feeling very proud. He nodded and then looked really scared and said “but I fucked up!”

Ermmm pardon? What does he even mean? How can you fuck something like this up.

He goes on to explain that he was that nervous, that when it came to finishing he dropped the cup!! OH MY GOD WHAT!!?! No! Please no! I gulped and said but you did get something right? He did but it wasn’t the first bit as he had wanted. He also half joked that he was also disappointed because he could have filled the cup if he got it all in. But he was devastated to say the least.

So – what happened next is I gave him a cuddle, told him everything was ok and that they only need a few good ones so not to panic. Inside I was a wreck, panicking, feeling sick and bawling my eyes out. Hoping, hoping beyond everything else that the embryologist would say everything was ok.

I was the very first one to be seen that morning. I walked into the room, laid on the weird bed thingy, was poked and prodded (which wasn’t straight forward either as the lady who put the cannula in my hand forgot to take the tourniquet off so blood went everywhere!!!! ) then sedated. Then I woke up being wheeled into the bay. I remember having an itchy face and hearing the word eleven and then I screamed out to DH asking if he had told someone about the incident!! LOL!! He reassured me this time and said yes.

Once I was a bit more awake our nurse came in and told us they had collected 11 eggs. I was happy with this number. It’s not the mega amounts I often read about, but it was enough. A short time after this, after eating biscuits and drinking coffee, the embryologist came in and told us the news on DHs sample. She has enough!! Thank you. Thank you Thank you. She has more than 11 good swimmers to go ahead with fertilisation. The relief in DHs face was evident. We cuddled some more, he told me how cute I looked, how proud he was of me and how he was so glad he saw me wake up from sedation because whilst I was under I had the biggest grin on my face. How funny. 🙂

The next day we got the call we had been waiting for. We held each other’s hand whilst we both pressed our ears against the phone as the lovely embryologist lady told us that all 11 eggs were beautiful and 7 of these had achieved fertilisation. They were really happy and so were we. All the trauma of the day before was over. A distant horrific memory. We would be aiming for a day 5 blastocyst transfer. Wednesday 25th. The anniversary of my grandmas passing. I couldn’t help but think of this as a perfect sign.

Transfer day was yesterday – I’m now off work – taking it easy with a little bundle of eggs in me. I shit myself at every twinge and ache, I’m walking around (well waddling) as if I’m 6 months pregnant ready to protect anyone or anything from coming near me. The transfer itself was the worst part of this whole experience in terms of discomfort. But the loveliest in terms of achievement and general reliefness. They through us a curve ball at the beginning though. Because we have 2 little eggies who have reached blast stage (one of them very early blast, the other 5 are a little behind but were going to give them a few more days to catch up) they told us that they want to transfer one, but we could have 2 transferred if we wished. My fist instinct was hell yeah – TWINS!! Put them both in – silly question. But DH and I talked it through and agreed that although it would increase chances of pregnancy by 5-10%, it would also increase the chances of miscarriage and further complications in pregnancy. After going through a miscarriage at 13 weeks 2 years ago we wanted to do everything we could to reduce these risks as much as possible.

So now here we are. Waiting for the call to see if blast number 2 is ready for freezing today! Fingers crossed we get a little frostie out of this too. I miss the injections, I miss the hectic appointment scheduling. This 2 weeks is going to be LONG!!

IVF 1 with ICSI – complete. Awaiting outcome.

I’m hoping to update you on 11/7 with the news we are most desperately wanting!!

Good luck to you all! X

PS – is it normal to have period like cramps before and after egg transfer. I swear my body was about to give me a period before they had chance to put little eggie back. X

Image

Stupid over active brain!!!!!

Well the last week or so has been a bit of a whirlwind! We are beyond excited to finally start our first round of ICSI.

After finally receiving my meds (which by the way ruined my plan of not telling my sister what we are going through because of having to keep Gonal-F in the fridge!!! Well I told her a variation of the truth but hey it’s not her going through all this.) and getting booked in for the final nurses appointment we have arrived! Today is/was the day when we started taking our first lot of fertility drugs.

I stopped taking the contraceptive pill the morning of the nurses appointment as i kind of knew she was going to tell me to do that anyway and I had secretly hoped that by stopping it on Wednesday I was in at a chance of having my next appointment over a weekend!! No missing work!! It worked – CD1 came on Friday!! Yippee! I had never been so excited to have a period ever!! How ironic is it that we spend every month prior to IVF hoping, praying and wishing for that day not to come every cycle!!

So today (Saturday)….We had our appointment at 10:30. DH was definitely going to be at this appointment because he needed to listen carefully about how to administer the drugs. We were called into the nurses office, had yet another ultrasound (which looked ok as far as I’m aware) and were then taken through my regime. She told us that due to my increased risk of OHSS I’m on a relatively low dose of Gonal-F (112.5) she then went on to explain how to administer the injection. And then she asked me to do it!!

Woah!! I was NOT expecting that!!

I thought we would be doing that tonight in the comfort of our own home!!

However – I did it. It actually wasn’t that bad. Pain free and simple. Aren’t I good. She went on to explain the second type of injection I would have to take on CD7….then nothing. I passed out!! Yes you read that correctly!!

I passed out!!!

The shock/adrenalin/sheer fear of what I had just done hit me like a brick wall and my brain did what it does best…it was shutting down!!! I warned them both as I stuck my head between my legs!!! The walls and ground were disappearing out of view. After a minute or so I felt a bit better so I asked her to continue talking us through the rest of it…and then it happened again. This happened 3 or 4 times and then she insisted I go lie down in a bed next door!! So shameful!

How embarrassing!!

Has this happened to anyone else?? Please tell me it happens all of the time.

So we finally finished our appointment a little later than usual and headed home with an AMT Hot Chocolate with all the works! I needed the sugar 😉

It’s now Sunday and DH woke up with a massive grin on his face. He can’t wait for tonight’s Gonal F administration!

So there we are!! I have my next check up on Wednesday where they will take blood and scan my lovely follies. Fingers crossed everything goes ok.

While I’m here – quick question – is there anything I should or shouldn’t do to help the little eggies grow? I’ve seen a few of you do acupuncture…anything else?

Thanks for reading

Xxx

Oh you have a cyst!!

This feels like a dirty secret. We have told nobody. When people ask why I’m going to the hospital I tell them its related to the miscarriage I had a couple of years ago, and they don’t ask any more questions. It’s not the truth but I suppose it’s not a million miles away from it.

So yesterday saw our IVF journey begin. It feels really weird saying that, as it really doesn’t feel like that’s what we are going through. I think I’m still in denial that this is the way the long baby making road has taken us.

Sat in the waiting room at Guys ACU were a number of couples who LOOKED like they belonged there (in the nicest possible way). They were middle aged, they were married, they looked liked they had been there before. We didn’t tick any of those boxes. Being a 25 and 27 long standing girlfriend and boyfriend we had decided we wanted to try a few years ago. And 1 miscarriage and numerous tearful uneventful months later…still…no mini me. So the investigations began and here we were, filling out a range of forms, signing away all our rights, agreeing with things I barely understood. But it’s what we were expected to do right? Everyone ticked yes. Expect for the research part, I ticked no to that and felt a sudden swell of guilt after doing so. Why? We wouldn’t be here without the generosity of those who ticked yes in that box.

So here we were in the waiting room trying to fit in, chatting quietly, about how unlike an NHS service this was. With its grand shiny entrance and squishy chairs and sofas and coffee machine. I couldn’t help but sit there and make back stories up in my head about all the other couples who sat there. How many years they had been trying, what the problem was and those that were there by themselves were obviously donors! I wonder what our story was…I wonder if any of them were close to the truth!?

Finally…..our names were called. Yes, here we go, we will get our medication get a tick list and be on our way. Oh no, how wrong I was!? Why am I so naive?

The consultant took us through all the ins and outs of the treatment – which I smiled and nodded through not understanding the majority of what she said. I remember thinking “I really hope they remind me to do all of this stuff, there’s too many things to do!!!” Then came, “so if you can just pop behind this curtain and undress completely from the waist down”!!! Errmm WHAT? Aren’t they meant to warn you about things like this?? I would have “prepared” myself. I’m sure the biggest worry of someone having an internal pelvic ultrasound should not be “I wish I shaved my legs last night!!” There must have been at least a weeks growth in them. I spent most of the examination trying to keep the sheet of “modesty” paper over my legs!! How shallow! I’m sure the consultant has seen worse (hopefully – I don’t like the thought of being the talk of the staff room).

And then – just as she was getting ready to start. The boyfriend pops his head around the curtain “so what’s going on, what scans this then? Can I watch?!” Ha, oh god that’s so typical of him, so nosey!!! “As long as your wife doesn’t mind?” Chirped the consultant (she keeps calling him my husband and me his wife, I don’t feel it right to correct her, I actually quite like it). I shoot him the look out of the view of the consultant and nervous giggle “of course I don’t mind” (But did I really have a choice at this moment in time).

She takes lots of pictures and shows me the screen pointing out various images of grey and black expecting me to know what I was looking at. Apparently my womb is nice. Good to know. And I have ovaries too, with a few follicles. But then “Oh, see that there, you have a cyst” came the consultant. A what!!?! Why?! “But don’t worry I think that’s where you ovulated from” (too late I am worrying – who wants a cyst!?)
“Has anyone ever said anything to suggest you have PCOS?”
Well actually they have. I went on to explain I have had my suspicions for years but nobody could definitely tell me that’s what I had. Apparently that’s because I’m not a 20 stone woman with a beard. So in the space of 5 minutes this magic consultant was able to tell me what I had been trying to find out definitively for over 10 years.

But this changes things. We have to be put on a short protocol (which isn’t the “normal” route. I so desperately just want to be standard through this process). I have to take the pill for a month (doesn’t that contradict the very reason I am in this place?) and then go back at the end of May to see if my new friend has disappeared. I swear I can feel it prodding me from the inside now.

So that’s it, once my second scan comes back all clear (thinking positive) we can start a month from then, which will be the end of June. I’ve never been so excited to take daily injections before ever. I’m so excited Ive even worked out our baby (who isn’t even conceived yet) will be born at the end of March 2015!! How wanted this baby is! We left the centre feeling hopeful, like we were on our way (minus my dignity and a few vials of blood).

So for those of you about to start a similar journey….shave your legs!!

20140426-133846.jpg