Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned….

……its been 5 weeks since my last blog post!!

So – after promising to blog weekly…i haven’t! 😦 for this I apologise. I have been crazily busy with my projects at work and time seriously is flying. For this I am grateful only 14 weeks to go. Woohoo! 

How Far Along?: 26 weeks! 6 months! 1 week away from the 3rd trimester!! 

Baby is the size of: Well Im not sure…apparently it could be a papaya, or a butternut squash, or a lettuce. These food sizes aren’t very standard. What I think is becoming clear is that I will have a little baby. At my 25 week midwife appointment my sfh was 24cm and against my personalised GROW chart this is way under the 5th centile. So I went back worried yesterday and got measured again…my sfh has grown 1cm in a week….and has brought me just on the 5th centile so I am happy about that. Going back again in a week just to make sure the progression is nice and strong. Rather a 6lb baby than a 10lber any day! :-p 

Total Weight Gain: Haven’t a clue – and Im not bothered about knowing either. All I know is that Im eating healthy(ish) and haven’t become obese yet….

My boobs are ginormous…I have outgrown even my hurrendous 34H bra (which I got in December where I had jumped from a nice 30FF!!)

Maternity Clothes?:Oh yes…Im forever on the lookout for flattering maternity clothes. Ive ordered quite a lot online…but also send a lot of it back. Its getting harder now the weather is getting warmer. I need to tan my legs and get some pretty dresses. But I really don’t do pale milky legs! yak! 

Also if anyone would like to invent maternity shoes I would be very grateful. I can not be bothered to go shoe shopping but have no option. I couldn’t go to work a couple of weeks ago because I couldn’t get my bloody foot into any of my shoes or boots. I can’t go to work in trainers or flip flops!! Working from home has been my life saver! I bought a pair of flat shoes last week (I’m short and do not do flat but haven’t an option right now) in 2 sizes bigger than I am…my feet are growing…they don’t look swollen yet but something funky is definitely happening!

 Stretch Marks?: Not yet – thanks body. Although varicose veins are my new thing. I feel like I have them on my upper thighs. But only when I am stood up. How do I get rid of these? Another reason for getting my legs all tanned…a tan is the best way of losing weight and hiding imperfections on the legs!! 

Sleep?: Broken – Its hard to turn and the frequent trips to the loo have started making an appearance again. Carpal tunnel is making my hands painful. My left hand is the worst and a couple of my fingers are now permanently numb. its bizarre and awkward.

Best Moment This Week?: Best moment of the last 5 weeks has been seeing my bump grow and buying little mans bedding. Im in love with all of his baby things. 

Movement?: Yes…but he has quiet days which scare the shit out of me. Some days he can be moving non stop and other days I feel the odd poke here and there. Im going to start documenting his movements every day to try and spot a pattern. 

Food Cravings?: Just give me all of the food in the world please. Ill eat it all and still have space for more. 

Anything making you queasy?: Just the sight of my pale slightly plump legs. Also I seriously need to start working on my arms…theyre getting soft!! Ive signed up to pregnancy yoga…just waiting for someone to give birth so I can have a space!! 

Baby Bump?: Yes…Its growing! Its changed shape recently though. I think he has changed position which may be the reason I feel his movements less sometimes. 

Gender Prediction?: Oh Im going to give a good guess at a boy. 

Labor Signs?: Noooo.

Belly Button In or Out?: Still in. I had a very deep belly button…its now almost flat. It won’t be long until it has fully popped! 🙂 

Wedding Rings on or off?: They come off on an evening. And sometimes if I set off for work early I can’t get them on. So annoying….I love my ring and feel naked without it. 

Happy or Moody?: Happy! lol – Think SO would add a “most of the time” to this

Miss Anything?: Being able to shave….being able to put my shoes on….being able to walk up stairs without feeling like passing out.

Looking forward to?: Entering the 3rd trimester!! And seeing my boy for his 4d scan in a couple of weeks!! 

Well there you go…Im not going to promise to come back in a week because Im obviously rubbish at keeping promises. 

Lots of love xx

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Dreams come true – part 2

After the whirlwind, fairytale proposal, I had to go to work the following day. I didn’t do much, I couldn’t concentrate. I showed off my ring. A lot! 🙂

I had double the reason for not being able to concentrate though. My fiancé and I (haha!!) had a secret gender scan booked for Sunday (yesterday!!).

I honestly have no idea or clues as to what I’m going to have. Most people are saying girl though. But I am not able to commit myself to either gender.

I am so excited for this scan. I get up late Sunday morning as the appointment isn’t until 2:30pm and I don’t want to go out of my mind waiting. SO goes to the gym and I wait.

wait wait and wait

At 2pm we sit in a Starbucks out of the cold talking about what we think and about how we are feeling. We have waited so long for a baby I really do not care, just a healthy happy one please.

Once in the clinic I can feel my heart in my chest pounding away. We hold each other’s hand tightly as I lay in the bed and the warm jelly is put all over my tummy.

Hi Baby! Nice to see you again, being naughty and not staying still for the lady. She shows us the stomach full of amniotic fluid and that the kidneys are nice and lit up and working as they should be. She tries to get a crotch shot but my babies legs are flying everywhere. She thinks it might help if I empty my bladder.

I come back and baby had changed position completely and is much more cooperative.

I’ve looked at enough gender scans to know what I’m seeing!! I’m in shock.

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Oh hello there baby boy!!!

Well that was it!! Tears of relief. Jaw ache of happiness!! Straight to John Lewis we went to buy our little guy some clothes and a teddy.

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We face timed out parents when we came home and didn’t say anything but just showed them the blue teddy and cute little shoes until they realised what we were trying to tell them. Everyone is in shock as everyone was convinced we were going to have a girl!!

Now the naming commences. Boys names are difficult!!

So there you have it. Part 2 of my amazing long weekend. An engagement and a little boy to celebrate.

Lots of love,

Me and my little boy.

Xxx

12 week scan update

Today I’m 12+4weeks pregnant. And today was the day of our 12 week scan and screening appointment.

Well let me just tell you firstly that there is absolutely no need in the amount of blood they need to take for a few tests!!! Jeeez!! Leave some inside me please!!

Anyway, please let me introduce you to our beautiful little m&m….

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….He/She is measuring one day ahead with a heart rate of 156bpm. Everything is there, including a beautiful brain which looked like a butterfly, a fully functioning placenta and umbilical cord, stomach and all the other vital organs. The tests came back pointing out that our chance of any chromosomal abnormalities was 1/17500! Today was absolutely perfect!

I’m feeling an awful lot better. I’m getting headaches and still don’t really want to eat certain foods. But the nausea is gone! Woohoo!!! I definitely can’t do my jeans up anymore! I’m using a hairband to stop them falling down! Haha.

I don’t have any thoughts or preferences on gender at this point. Actually I may be swaying towards a girl but only because of how cute their clothes are!! ❤️❤️

DH and his side of the family are adamant its a boy. But my dad has already referred to m&m as his granddaughter and has named it Esme! Seriously dad!! 4 weeks and we can all breathe again! 🙂 My dad has also spent all day sending me pram and car seat ideas and is even planning a trip to Florida to see Mickey Mouse! Oh dad! Lol!

Anyway that’s all for now! I think I’m going to try and do a weekly update from Friday. I am starting to enjoy this pregnancy and want to document as much as possible!

Congratulations to those of you who get their BFPs over the last few months. And those who haven’t, this is your year. Don’t give up. I am praying for you.

Xxx

10+3 weeks

Today we went for our private scan. The last scan we have was at 7+6 days and baby was measuring right on track. Well today was no different, baby measuring 3.6cm which keeps our EDD at 17/07/15.

It was definitely the most amazing thing we have ever seen. As soon as the technician put the device on my tummy you could see the gorgeous little thing swimming about inside of me. It was surreal. DH squeezed my hand so tight and I welled up with emotion.

I got to see and hear its little heart beating away at 162bpm. Just wow!!

I’m actually speechless. I don’t really know what to write. I just wanted to update you all with how things are going. It was truly incredible.

I think I will let myself enjoy this as much as possible now. I have my next scan in 2-3 weeks with the NHS and I’ll be back with an update then.

But before I go I just wanted to say thank you to everyone of you for being such a massive support to me. I’m using my Christmas wish on you all this year.

Have a merry Christmas everyone!!

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Xxxx

Miracles do happen…..

Today was hands down THE BEST day of my entire life.

Today we got to meet little m&m for the first time.

All day I have been feeling sick to the stomach with nerves. How could things possibly turn out ok? My luck with fertility is pretty poor. I’ve never seen my baby on an ultrasound so that’s what was going to happen today. I think I was just preparing myself for the worst.

We got to the clinic early and sat quietly in a surprisingly empty clinic. I wonder if they are preparing to be closed over Christmas?

I could hear my heart beating. I’m pretty sure everyone else could too. Finally my name was called and we entered the ever so familiar room. The nurse asked me how I was feeling….”pretty fucking crap and shit scared” is what I wanted to say. Instead she got an “ok, but nervous, very very nervous” I was then instructed to go behind the curtain and strip from the waist down as per usual protocol.

I laid there, feet in stirrups looking at the wide eyes of my other half as he tells me everything is going to be ok. I squeeze his hand so tight as the nurse warns me “the jelly might be cold”.

I can’t look.

I begin to cry.

“There you go, here’s your little baby measuring just as it should 7 weeks and 6 days, here’s the umbilical cord aaaand here, well here is its heart beating”

I sob and bawl. I’m hysterical. Oh thank you thank you thank you for answering my prayers and keeping my little miracle safe. It was truly beautiful. I have moments of crying even now.

I am so in love.

Today is a very good day. The best day. And I pray that each and every one of you get to experience this magic for yourselves one day. It will happen, never ever give up.

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Lots of love and babydust

Xx

Doom and Gloom

I’m 6+4weeks pregnant and I’m definitely not enjoying myself. It’s got nothing to do with my symptoms. They aren’t that strong, I’m getting mild nausea every now and then, my sore boobs are on and off, I get a mild headache sometimes and the cramps are very much there.

I’m not enjoying it because I’m PETRIFIED something is going to happen. I’ve only been feeling like this for the last few days. Prior to this I was cautiously optimistic. Now I’m certain something bad is going to happen.

In my first pregnancy I was blissfully unaware of what can go wrong with pregnancy. I woke up every day smiling. I went about my day dreaming about my little ones future and I didn’t even blink an eye at the cramps I would get. Then all of a sudden, about a week before I was due for my 13 week ultrasound my world came crashing down. It was horrific and I’m really not ready to write down all of the detail. But in short, I ended up being admitted to hospital for 5 days, I got a blood infection, miscarried and it wasn’t pleasant. Suddenly my whole perception of what pregnancy was shattered and I was suddenly a realist.

My ultrasound is fast approaching. In 9 days I’ll be getting ready to go. I think this is what I’m so anxious about. I’ve only ever seen an empty womb on an ultrasound. The approach to an ultrasound spells doom

I have never wanted anything more than to see my healthy baby and its heart beating at my 8 week scan. I promise I will never ever ask for anything else ever again. Except for future healthy scans and a happy healthy full term pregnancy and baby.

I hope I can snap out of this doom and gloom mood and stop reading into every twinge and pull.

I should be grateful and I am. I am so grateful this ivf worked. But I’m too aware of the battle I could have in front of me. In not sure I could cope with another loss.

Xx

No beta!!

So my clinic called yesterday and congratulated me, and booked me in for an 8 week scan on 4th December.

When I asked about a blood test she said they don’t do them here in the UK. She said they would only do them if you had spotting or something else which would make you worried. Just to give you peace of mind. But the fact I’ve had a few positives and I’m not bleeding they are happy about.

Well, just the mere fact of going through IVF makes me think I deserve peace of mind!!

Plus I’ve been getting one or two pretty intense pains low down in my tummy that stop me in my track every day.

Anyone else getting this?

It’s mainly when ever I change position or need a wee really bad!

I might just phone my doctor instead, see if they can give me a slip for the hospital.

😀 :- D

And I guess I’ll have to keep taking tests for peace of mind instead. I’ll buy some more today. Good job I get paid in a week!! Haha

Xxx